Excited/Conflicted

Ya know what I'm looking forward to?  The day this baby is out of my belly and I get to look at his/her face.  This tiny little being that is going to need me.  No one else on earth is going to need me like my baby.  And that is a pretty good feeling.  I realize I shouldn't be trying to skip through this pregnancy to get to the end...but I cant help it.  I'm so excited to be a mom!!!  To me, the pregnancy is just another waiting game!!!  Let's get on with it already!

I've been a little less nauseous the last couple days.  It has been a nice change. Still nauseous just not as bad!  So I'm super thankful for that.  Still struggling a little with the transistion of going from infertile to pregnant.  I had no idea that part would be so hard and I have no one to talk to about it.  I mean, I do, but I feel like it's coming across as complaining and that is not it at all.  I assumed it would be a simple transition from horribly sad to non stop happiness. Don't get me wrong...I am insanely happy!!!!  I truly am.  But there is so much more emotions going on.  I'm just trying to wrap my head around it all.   I read a bunch of articles about pregnancy after infertility yesterday and feel better knowing that I'm not alone in these feelings.  After a 7 year battle of this, it is hard just to switch gears...especially after losing faith that it could ever happen. So I'm trying to work through this part on my own...and please know that I am so so so very thankful for what I've been given.  And I AM incredibly happy!!!!  I just can't ignore all the other stuff, either.  Side effects of pregnancy are not even an issue there, either.  I can deal with the side effects and I'm even thankful for every single one.  It goes deeper than side effect.  I don't really know how to explain it, so I'll move on.

I'm already getting the nesting feeling.  Every drawer I look in and every closet, I want to throw everything in it away.  I want to empty out my entire house, get rid of clutter, scrub the shit out of everything!  It's funny that it's happening so soon.  I didn't think I would get the nesting feeling till later on!  It's pretty strong though.