I think I am 100 times more emotional now than I ever was on clomid. Even when I was on 200mg clomid, I didn't feel like this. I'm not sure what's going on, but I've cried about 500 times yesterday, and about 200 times today. It's all over things like dropping food on the floor...and other dumb stuff that doesn't normally make people cry. I feel like it could all be underlying from everything I've been through in the last few weeks...and the last few years. Perhaps it's catching up to me.
I'm still not feeling super well, either. I'm definitely feeling better than I was, but just not feeling quite right still. Could just be leftover anxiety. I don't have a GP here...or anywhere at the moment. My GP in Helena moved. But perhaps it's time to find one. Going in to Immediate Care doesn't really do much when I see a different doctor every time about the same ailments. Perhaps I just need to wait it out. Perhaps I should see a psychiatrist.
I am seriously considering taking a break from my break. Just taking one month where I'm NOT constantly thinking about TTC, metformin, clomid, provera, PCOS and IUI's. It would be nice to have a wellness month for my mind. I have been trying to go through this whole TTC business like a warrior, but perhaps I'm not as tough as I thought and it's catching up to me. Seriously, perhaps talking to a shrink might actually be a good idea.
On a positive note, I was laying in bed half asleep yesterday around 9pm and my hubs walks in with a little bag. My good friend has brought me a coffee cup, coffee gift card and a card. As I read her card it made me cry (oh jeez...my eyes are welling up just thinking about it.) She is probably one of my only fertile friends that understands. She wrote in the card that she "doesn't know what I'm going through" but I think she does. Even though she has not gone through it herself, she just seems to understand it. She's got a beautiful son who just turned 1 and it makes me soooo happy for her because she knows just what a gift he is. So to my friend, (I know you are reading this) thank you a million times over!!! I can't tell you how much it means to me to have you here. And thank you for letting me vent to you, and for helping me keep the hope. LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH FRIEND!! And I am sooo glad that we both ended up in this town!!!
I'm crying all over again. What is up with that?!?! Haha! Seriously considering a shrink...
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3 comments:
Hi! I have indeed seen you following other blogs. It's nice to meet you. It's so fun that we both got words of encouragement from in-real-life friends today. I am going to add you to my google reader now. :)
You are more than welcome friend! Also, Timmer (Timmuuuuhhh)can see you for ANYTHING. She specializes in infertility stuff, but she can help you with anything. You should make an appointment to talk with her about everything you are feeling...I think it might make you feel a smidgen better. And for the record, you are stronger than almost anyone I've ever met, don't doubt yourself. You are a human and are allowed to cry, vent, and be sad. You are going through one hell of a battle. Everything you are feeling is valid. Love you!
Oh there is no such thing as "trying" to go through business like a warrior. You either are...or you aren't. You are and I don't need a degree to work that one out. You're still here. You're still trying. You're finding a way through. You don't get to be a vet in this game without a bit of warrior in there so don't under credit yourself!
Shrinks aren't bad provided that you're down with the fact that they don't solve problems so much as they act as a sounding board for what you're experiencing and provide you with tools to overcome the mental side. Correction.. that is what a psychologist does. Psychiatrists are more about drugs. I wouldn't discourage anyone from talking. Talking and sorting it healthy. Whether you use friends, family, bloggers or professionals... or a combination of all... it doesn't matter so long as it happens. :-)
Chin up warrior. xxxx
BTW.. thanks for the shitting ovulation image - although i can't help but agree. If only it was such a standard function. I seem to be a little bit constipated.
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