Currently, it has been 21 days since I had the projesterone oil shot to start my period. 20 F-ing days!!!! I hate my body. I called and left a message yesterday with my infterility specialists nurse. She called me back today with just a little bit of a snooty attitude. "Ok, so WHY did you stop taking the metformin?!?!" Ummm, because I felt like I was going to barf for over 2 weeks. Metformin was NOT helping that situation. She wants me to take a pregnancy test. =( I KNOW I'm not pregnant. I'm not. There would be no way. The last time G and I did anything was like the 9th of April (which was cd12). And I went in on the 11th for an ultrasound that showed my ovaries in horrible shape. So now I get to go waste money on a pregnancy test, probably cry when it's negative (even though I know it will be) and then go pay more money for provera and start that whole ordeal. Take the 10 days worth of that, and wait for a period again. If it takes longer than 2 weeks, I'm supposed to call. And if I start my period, she wanted me to call...though I'm not really sure what for.
I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel like a science experiment at this point. I just feel like crying. I feel like crying just thinking about taking a pregnancy test...
3 comments:
No. Your blog isn't boring. Anyone who says your blog is boring because you are having to live your life outside of TTC is not genuinely interested in who you are and they can go jump in a really deep well with scorpions at the bottom.
Your RE/FS/whatever they call them over your end of the world sounds like a real bitch. You would know if you're pregnant and putting you through that is just being bitchy. It doesn't matter how much we expect to see the blank test non-line, it hurts like a chainsaw every single time.
I get the feeling your doc is also difficult to get a hold of... very busy etc. Expects you to make the contact but hard to get a hold of them... Sounds like my guy. Although at least he's nice on the phone.
It is rubbish what you're going through... Breaks are rubbish. Being played with is rubbish. I can understand why you keep the packets too... It is like a physical scrap book of all the hard yards you've put in just to be mother. You will never forget.
Can't say anything that is going to make it better but wish I could be there to give you a real hug... You don't deserve this and I admire how strong you are pushing through. The universe and I aren't on speaking terms at the moment, but I will hold it to ransome with a big stick to have you get that BFP...
xxxx
My actual FS is really nice and I just love her. It's her nurse that has a big stick up her ass for whatever reason...
It's so hard because on one hand, I try to be strong and push through all this bullshit, but on the other hand, every step forward I think I am taking, ends up being a giant LEAP backwards. I feel like I'm in a giant maze and every turn I take just takes me deeper into the maze.
But I can't tell you how much it means to have girls like you who are going through similar experiences giving me as much of a hug as the internet will allow, to get pissed off with me, and sad with me!! Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
Seriously? You've gotta get two layers of Fort Knox to get to your doc? Man I thought having to deal with a pain in the ass receptionist was enough! But at least the real deal works for you. That's important.
Yeah, hearing you there... I'm not quite as deep in the maze as you are but I think, the more complex things get, the greater the setback when it doesn't work out. I don't yet know if it is real or just perceived or very real and exacerbated by perception though.. Once upon a time, having a baby used to involve unprotected sex. Simple right?? So it becomes a bit like what the heck is going on when suddenly there are temperatures and mucous and thousands of medications and ultrasounds etc. When did 1 + 1 equal any number other than two??
Regardless of all that, you are strong. Sometimes it wont' feel like it. But you're not still standing after all these months or trying and tests and meds etc. because you're a wet piece of toilet paper! It takes a strength of character to get up everytime a maze turn takes you deeper. Every time you do stand up, you get a little bit stronger. It actually is a positive cycle. (Will remind myself of that one day! Hahaha!)
You are not alone. :-) xxxx
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