Anxiety Schmanxiety

This has been a good week so far for my infertile crew. Not one, but TWO BFP's to a couple of the most deserving ladies!! One who has been trying just to ovulate for 2 years, and one who thought it might be too late. I couldn't be MORE thrilled for them. It has totally made my week! I'm not sure who they've told yet, so I won't link them, but if you ladies are reading this, lots of love to you, and congrats a thousand times over!!! It seems I picked the wrong time to abandon TTC.

For my infertility undergrads, keep on keepin' on, friends. Lots of love to you too. I know a few of you are hurting right now, so special thoughts going out to you.

As for me, I'm truckin' along pretty good. I'm getting my anxiety under control. I guess what I was having were real live panic attacks, which led to my anxiety to sort of snowball. But I'm trying to do some behavior mod stuff to get through this so I don't become an agoraphobic. I was starting to notice that I wasn't wanting to leave the comforts of my home just in case I started feeling nervous/sick. So I've been making myself leave and do something outside my house every day.

It's so bazaar to have my whole life so suddenly interrupted like this, but I think I needed it to happen for me to take this break and to take care of myself.

It was hard for me to accept that this was all caused by panic/anxiety attacks and just anxiety in general. It amazing how much anxiety can cause actual physical symptoms. I could have sworn I had something seriously wrong with me. After accepting the anxiety "diagnosis," I've been able to start controlling the attacks better. I haven't had any serious nausea since. I've had "nervous stomach" on and off, but am usually able to control it with some deep breathing. I haven't had an actual attack in almost 2 weeks.

It all sounds so ridiculous, but I saw 4 different doctors, and they all said the same thing. After the ER visit, I finally accepted it. Things are looking up for me and I can see me slowly getting back to my old self. Luckily, the Citalipram isn't making me feel disconnected or anything. I've only got 2 weeks worth in my system and was told I wouldn't see any results from that till I have 4-6 weeks worth in my system, but I seem to be managing ok with just the behavior mod stuff. I don't expect the Citalipram to be any sort of miracle drug or anything. Just hopefully help me cope a little while I learn how to manage stress and the attacks.

One positive change since being on a TTC break is all the art I've been doing. While TTC, I always felt to "drained" to do any artwork. I sort of pushed it to the side and when I did try to paint or draw, it felt forced most of the time. But I've been pushing out drawing like a Emmer Effer. It's been awesome. Now I just need to get back on my bike and start training again!!!