OK...so I never really thought much about it when people mentioned they had "pregnant brain." But I really have no other explanation for what happened yesterday morning in the shower. I decided it was time to shave my legs because...well...it was just time!!!! So I get all set up for my usual routine. I have a weird little thing I do when I shave. I first shave my left leg then my right armpit. Then I shave my right leg and left armpit. Don't ask me why because I haven't the foggiest clue why I do it that way. I just always have. So yesterday, I do my thing then get out of the shower. About an hour later, I'm sitting down feeling my legs and it occurred to me that my right leg was still hairy. What the eff? The crazy part is I know I put shaving cream on it because after I finished shaving the left leg, I rinsed it off and immedietley started putting shaving cream on that same left leg. I kind of laughed at myself when I realized what I was doing, scooped off the shaving cream and put it on my right leg. I'm not exactly sure what happened after that. Apparently I immedietly rinsed it off and got out of the shower. Hahahaha!!! I was so confused when I realized I only shaved one leg and I still am baffled about how I did that.
In other news, yesterday was Christmas! Once again, I got super duper spoiled. Ihonestly could have had nothing under the tree and still felt super spoiled....for obvious reasons. I'm anxiously awaiting our ultrasound so this can all feel again! I swear, I feel like I need constant proof. I'm fighting the urge to get another pregnancy test!!!! I think that is why I'm having SUCH a hard time with the workout thing...because I don't fully believe that I'm pregnant. I just feel like I'm slacking. I have pregnancy symptoms. I'm fatigued all day, I feel queasy, my boob are sore.. I just feel like this is a dream and I'm going to wake up any ,inute and realize that I still have to go through more infertility treatments. It's the most bazaar feeling. I'm trying to work through all these emotions. I still haven't had the reaction to being pregnant that I thought I would. I haven't broke down...or anything like that. But again, I feel like that's because I'm waiting for someone to tell me it's all made up. I'm truly hoping the ultrasound is going to help me with all of these mixed emotions I'm having.
I honestly thought that once I got pregnant, I wouldn't hate infertility so much...or at leastr it would take up less of my thoughts. It really hasn't changed at all. In fact, I think I hate it more because it's trying to steal my excitement out of all this. Because of infertility, iI'm afraid to let myself believe this is real. And I'm spending all those time trying to convince myself rather than just enjoy it. There has been so much heartache in trying to grow my family that now that it's happening, I can't get myself to accept that it truly is real. Somehow, infertility is still seeping in and trying to steal my thunder. I should really look to see if there are any books or articles on pregnancy after infertility. I wonder if this is a normal reaction for women. Or if I'm just crazy and trying to sabotage myself...
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2 comments:
I caught myself shaking my head in agreement at your last paragraph. It makes sense. I can't wait to hear more and more about this wonderful journey you're on.
I can relate a little bit. It took 3 years for me to get pregnant with our oldest and by then I was starting to believe that it would never happen, so I spent my entire pregnancy in shock. It didn't feel real to me until I held her in my arms! I can't imagine how it would have been after the journey that you guys have been on to get to this point. We are so happy for you guys!!
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