Devastated...

Things went incredibly horrid today. My ovaries are just COVERED in cysts. As soon as she showed me on the ultrasound, I knew what the plan was going to be. I mean, they were just covered in cysts! She called it a classic PCOS ovary. For those of you who may not know what PCOS looks like, here is a diagram showing a normal ovary vs. a PCOS ovary:



Mine looked even a little worse than the PCOS ovary on the bottom picture. Both of them did.

So...after the ultrasound, she told me to put my pants back on and we'd talk about the plan. I just KNEW what it was going to be. So I get dressed, and she comes back in and sure enough, the plan is....a break. Even though I knew it was coming, it totally knocked the wind out of my sails. I fought back tears SO hard. I never actually cried in front of her...but I came pretty close.

So now that we have established that I needed a break, the next thing she told me was for how long. Are you ready? 4 MONTHS! And that's at the least. She said we may need to bump it up to 6 months. As crazy as it sounds, I'm not mad. I fully realize that without functioning ovaries, babies aren't going to happen. So. Sad? Yes. Crushed? Yes. Upset? Yes. Mad? No.

The next part of the plan was for me to continue with my exercising (which, frankly, I am ROCKING!!). But the part that I was not rocking was the eating part. I fessed up to not doing so well on the high protien, low G.I. diet. She didn't yell at me or anything. In fact, she was very encouraging and supportive. I think she could see I was on the verge of tears. She just told me that she realizes how hard it is...but it IS very important for cases like mine where I have extremely persistant PCOS. So, I suppose I can't really avoid it anymore. It's now or never. I know I'm not OLD but I'm not getting any younger.

The next thing she mentioned was getting my weight down...which, I already knew. And she totally recognized how hard I've been working to lose weight and she said she can totally see results. But I have an extra pesky 10 pounds to lose to put me into a good BMI and she said 20 pounds would be even better.

This next thing will be the single most difficult thing I will have to fight. Sugar. I can't have much sugar. If I am addicted to anything...it sugar. Love it! That's gotta go.

And lastly, I will be kicked up to 2500mg of metformin. She said, if it's too much, drop back down to 2000mg. But she said if I could possibly get 2500mg, that would be better.

So it looks like I will be closer to the 4 year mark of TTC before I have the possibility of getting pregnant. But...I gotta keep on trucking. Do what I gotta do. I just need to let myself be sad for a bit and then move on. Focus on everything I need to do to improve my chances. I got that shot in the butt to start my period again and then I will be starting birth control again. This time, I'm doing Yaz. We'll see if I have better results on that than seasonique.

So mostly the next 4 months of this blog will be about my progress on all the stuff I menetioned. It might be kind of boring for some of you, so just bear with me for a while. =)

Thank you for all the well wishes!