Wow...long!

When you're young...and especially when you find your soul mate, you start to have this picture of how you would like your life to unfold. Some people have dreams of being famous, others of being rich, and some are just looking for simple happiness. In high school, I used to dream of being an artist. That's all I ever thought about and I never thought I would marry until I was older...at the very LEAST age 35. Then I met Garrett and everything changed...for the better.

Once Garrett and I started dating, it seemed like everything I did had a purpose all the sudden. Like every decision I made involved me thinking of Garrett and how it would incorporate him. I still remember when I first really started falling for him, I would joke with my friend and roommate at the time about how he made me have "googley eyes". This is when my goals in life shifted. Before Garrett, and even a little when we first started dating, I was sort of planning on moving to Portland and trying to do something with my art. But now, I was picturing our life together as a married couple, as best friends. I pictured our first home we would buy together. I pictured our dogs we would have. And I pictured me, nice and pregnant with our first child...

I have been SOO SO SO fortunate to have had all but one of those things come true so far! I mean, I am only 25, and already have so many things in my life that I wanted. Sometimes, people from my past look at me like I haven't done much with myself...that I "gave up" on my art. If those people were reading this right now, I would be holding a big fat middle finger to them (mostly because I am too nice to do it in real life). I have never in a million years felt so successful than I do at this juncture in my life. I still have my art, and I still sell a piece or two from time to time...but my life is my family. It's my supportive loving husband, my 2 silly dogs and keep me company, it's my friend who let's me talk her ear off over a sugarfree white chocolate latte about my lady organs and how stupid they are sometimes without making me feel like a whiner, it's my mom for being a pillar of strength from me to look up to, it's my dad for being able to make his little girl laugh even when I am at my most vulnerable, it's my brother for always believing in me, it's my childhood friend who I talk to every Sunday for at least an hour, it's my in-laws for welcoming me to their family with open arms... I would NEVER trade any of these people for all the success in art in the world. These people are the reasons why I am so successful today!

As far as the infertility...yeah, it sucks major balls and I'm not gonna deny that it can, and does physically and emotionally hurt like a mother (no pun intended), but I feel like when I finally get that positive pregnancy test, or approved adoption (where ever this road may lead), I will be able to appreciate that moment so much! All the tests that I go through, all the tears I shed, all the mornings I wake up and think "is this the day?!?" all the days when I feel totally and utterly crushed when it turns out not to be "the day," all that will be worth it, when I finally get my baby!

For now, all I can do is take it a day at a time. I am very fortunate to have such a great support system. Not everyone does and some people who have not had to deal with infertility downplay the emotional rollercoaster that it is...but luckily, my friends and family all are so great to me and don't invalidate my emotions. I have so many great things in my life and by no means, am I complaining about my life. I just want to move on to the next phase. I'm so ready!!!

Oh, and I got contact lenses today. I just thought you should know. Bye bye, Glasses!!!!!