Testing and Angry?

I am just waiting to test now. Well, we are still keeping our bases covered...if you know what I mean. But pretty sure I already ovulated. Sooo, I am going to test on the 29th or 30th of this month and hope to god that it's a positive!!! If it is positive, I'm totally waiting till Halloween to tell Garrett because it's only appropriate since that's the day we met.

If it's negative, I think I'm most definitely gonna be sad...but probably mostly PISSED!!! Garrett and I deserve this and I feel it is so unfair that we are struggling when there are women who go out and act carelessly and end up with a child they don't treat well. Garrett and I want this SOOO BAD and, yes, I DO realize the whole "life isn't fair" thing applies to everyone, but screw that!! Life SHOULD be fair!! If you get hopped up on meth everyday you shouldn't be able to have children. If you are able to provide a good home, a good family, love and support, and WANT a baby, you should be able to have one!!! I'm trying to be patient, but I'm not gonna lie, it's really getting to be F-ing hard. I still have hope that it will happen, but that doesn't make all the waiting any easier.

Well, if it doesn't happen this time, I at least know that I'm on the right track with working out and eating better and taking ALL my vitamins. That's gotta count for something, right?

Ugghh! Well, I best be getting ready. I'm meeting the Hubs and brother-in-law for lunchy-poo-poo.

Oh, and P.S. I'm really excited to punkin carving next Monday. I just hope Ryan is over his swine flu. ick!