Cervix Tear: the long version!

Facebook got the short version of everything so I better put the full version down here..

We had an ultrasound on Monday.  We went to a different place than we normally go because the other places couldnt get us in on such short notice.  During the ultrasound, everything was going OK!  She was measuring baby and doing her thing when out of nowhere, I started to get the worlds most epic hot flash.  I just started pouring sweat!!!  I haven't had a hot flash like that since infertility treatments!!!!  It was horrible.  I'm not sure if it had anything to do with what happened the following day! But looking back, I wonder....

Anyway, so fast forward to the next day.  We had our appointment with Dr. Miser to follow up on the ultrasound and just check my cervix and whatnot.  She came in with some serious enthusiasm!  She said "holy shit! 34 weeks!!!" Lol!  She dropped a few more F bombs here and there.  She was totally stoked we have made it this far!  The ultrasound looked good.  She listened to the baby's heart beat and that sounded good.  Then she got to the cervix check.  She was digging around for quite some time.  The she said "OK, I am going to send you guys over to labor and delivery because you are dilated to 6-7cm and we need to get there cerclage out today."

So with the prospect of most likely having our baby that day, we headed over to L&D.  I was nervous but I wrapped my head around it and had accepted what was happening.  I felt proud that we had made it that far from where we were the first time.

As we walked in to labor and delivery, some of the nurses recognized us from our first stint there!  They were happy to see that we were at least that far along before coming back.  We got checked into a room and waited to talk with Dr. key, who just happened to be working the floor that day.

He finally came in, (it was a super busy day that day), and chatted with us.  He was very pleased with our dedication to keep baby in as long as we had.  We discussed the idea of possibly just doing an epidural to get the stitch out I'm case I go right on to having the baby.

Omg.  I was freaking out by this point!  But also excited that today was probably the day we would meet our baby.  No! 34 weeks is not ideal...but it was a hell of a lot better than 27.

So they rolled me back to the OR.  They had decided against th epidural at this point and just went for general as I would be awake enough to consent for an epidural after if it came to that.  I was out in a matter of seconds.  When I awoke, Dr. Key and Dr. Miser were both there!  And explained what they had found.  But just waking up, I could barely comprehend it.  They said something about a tear in my cervix.  I think I nodded my nhead as if I knee what they were talking about.

After staying in recovery for a while, I finally got wheeled back into my room.  G was there and he had got the full run down of what happened.  What Dr. Miser was feeling during that cervix check was not actually my cervix opening, but a large tear in my cervix right next to the opening.  That was caused by contractions that we pulling at my cervix but having a cerclage in, wouldn't allow my cervix to open so it tore instead.  It's a good thing the Dr. found it because it is possible to deliver through that tear.

So after hearing this news, I was left feeling very conflicted.  It's not that I was hoping for my baby to be born at 34 weeks!  That would be insane.  But I had finally wrapped my head around it and I needed to adjust my brain back to being pregnant for a while longer!  They kept us overnight for observation.  I was contracting every 2-3 minutes for a few hours but I knew they would let up and that we would head home th next day.

It's absolutely a good thing baby is still baking!  The part I'm having a hard time with now is being on bed rest for even longer.  I will now be on strict bed rest until 37 weeks.  I know it's minor and, again, what I want is irrelevant because the well being of my baby relies on the choices I make.  So I just need to accept it for what it is.  But I am having a hard time.  I had a giant meltdown today trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened during this pregnancy.  It just feels like one thing after another!  I cried so hard, I'm surprised I didn't bust a blood vessel in my eyeballs.

I know this is all temporary.  And it will all be OK.  I'm just having to readjust my "plan" again.  It's hard to watch everyone around me live their lives while I sit in this chair day after day.

I do know this.  Every day, I get to feel this baby moving and kicking.  And that is something that at one point in my life I thought may never happen.  So, above all, I am thankful for that.  I will do everything and anything I can to ensure my baby gets to best start in this life.

That being said, we have no way of knowing what will happen from here.  Our last cervix check before we left the hospital showed that I was about fingertip dilated and that baby had dropped quite a bit since the cerclage came out.  So who knows?  Our next appointment will be next Wednesday.  We'll see where we are at then.