Ripped off

I was having a rough morning today.  It always seems like it's the small things that set me off.  I'm not really able to nest anymore.  I have my alotted time I'm allowed to be up, but with no bending, lifting, or twisting, there's not a lot I get to do to help prepare for baby.  And I was feeling really ripped off about that.  And then I got to thinking about the trip to Missoula G and I were going to take for my art show, and we were going to kind of make that our last little "getaway" with just the 2 of us, but of course, that won't happen now.

So, yes! I was having a little pity party this morning.  I just sat here in my chair and cried for a while.  G was still in bed, so I decided to crawl back into bed with him.  He opened his eyes as I got under the covers with him and saw I was sad.  So I explained to him how I just don't understand why we have to work so hard when babies just get handed out to others who don't deserve to be parents!  We continually get punished for no apparent reason.

G told me how proud he is of me and how strong he thinks I am.  In all reality, I do not feel strong at all!  I feel like I'm not taking any of this well, but G seems to think I'm rolling with the punches pretty well all things considered.  He told me that he knows I don't get to enjoy pregnancy the way I had hoped.  And just generally reassured me that I'm doing as best as one can possibly do in our situation.

By this point, I started to feel better.  I really AM trying to roll with the punches.  But it is hard.  It is hard not to be bitter.  I left FB today and will probably not be back for a while because I just can't handle it right now.  I am hoping that will help me clear my mind and hopefully let go of some of these feelings of resentment and bitterness.

Just before G and I got out of bed, G hugged me and told me that I saved our baby's life.  I started crying all over again.  Never thought of it that way!!!