A message to my infertile friends.

I'm lying here in bed, feeling Baby Z move around like crazy...and I am BEYOND thankful for every tiny movement.  At one point in my life, I never thought I would ever know what it felt like.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday to discuss her tattoo.  She wanted a tree of life so that naturally led to a conversation about pregnancy and my journey to get here.  She asked if I ever felt like I had hundreds of hands holding me up.  I immediately went back to the last of 5 IUI's (intrauterine insemination, for those new to my blog) I went through.  After I had found out it failed, I tried not to let it affect me.  I tried to be "strong" and carry on like it was fine.  I was doing the dishes and all the sudden, the horrid wave of sadness came over me.  I fell to my knees and started sobbing.  I was home alone, so I just sat there on there on the floor for a few minutes falling apart, drool just pouring out of the sad grimace on my face, wondering if I was strong enough to ever stand back up... and then I just stopped crying.  I said to myself, "get up." And I'm not sure where I pulled this strength from, because I honestly felt like I had none left when I initially fell the the floor.  The only explanation I can think of is that all the love and support I was surrounded with through infertility helped me get back up.  And holy shit, am I glad I did.  Because our next move was IVF.  And we all know how that turned out.  I was supposed to stand back up from that awful moment!!!!  And I'm so thankful I did. G just felt baby move for the first time this morning!  And it is so real now.  And that moment alone is worth all the heartache we went through.

I just want to let all of my friends still in the thick of the battle of infertility know that not a day goes by the I don't think about all of you.  I know you have days like the one I talked about...and I want you all to know that you are not forgotten and that despite how it may feel, you DO have the strength to keep going if you choose to do so.  Choosing not to continue with infertility treatments is also OK and requires a whole different kind of strength so don't think for one second that discontinuing treatments is "giving up." Whatever your choice in is regards to your infertility journey, you are all amazingly strong!!!  Love to all of you!!!