Bed rest blues.

I have never had to prove how much I truly want something in my life.  When this baby is finally born, I am never going to let it go!  As if all the years of infertility weren't enough.  The IVF. The rocky first trimester.  The subchorionic hemorrhage. The physical therapy for the intense back pain.  And now this.

I tried so hard to have a healthy pregnancy. I got healthy pre-pregnancy.  I joined a gym after so I could swim.  I kept my diet in check (for the most part, anyway).  I followed all my OB's restrictions and suggestions.  I thought just maybe we were due for a break.  For an uneventful, happy pregnancy!

Well, the truth is, that kind of thinking can only get you in trouble.  I cried all afternoon thinking like that.  Like why us?  Why do we have to continually prove how badly we want to have this little person in our lives.

I have to remember that we didn't do anything to deserve the trials we have gone through and are going through.  It just is.  And we have a choice in how we deal with it.  Has it been hard?  Absolutely.  Will I have more days like today when I just sit here and cry?  Most definitely!  But it is my choice whether I collect myself and put my tough face on to keep going and keep being grateful.

The fact that things could have gone much much worse is always in the back of my head.  So anytime I start to get sad about bed rest and feeling absolutely helpless, I try to think about that.  Our baby is still snug as a bug in my belly.  A lot of couples are no so fortunate.  And the more I read up on heroic cerclages, the more I realize that it is such an unpredictable procedure.  So my appreciation for the fact I'm sitting here at home still pregnant grows.

So while I'm not going to lie, I did have a rough moment today, and I know I will have more as time goes on, I will so my best to stay happy and optimistic.  My heart goes out to all of those preemie parents because I cannot fathom the strength it takes to be in that position!

I feel so lucky to have the people in my life that I do!  From all my peeps that visited me in the hospital!  The entire staff that provided care at benefis. (It's hard to be so vulnerable that you can't even bathe yourself...so it's amazing that there re people who can do this stuff for you without making you feel like you have no dignity)  Everyone sending their thoughts and/or prayers to us.  My parents for watching our dogs and house.  Garrett's parents missed a funeral of a family member to be at the hospital!  Kari for suggesting I go in the the walk in and also visiting and continuing to check up on us!  Aprill for visiting every day and providing stacks of movies!  Dr. Key for being a bad ass at what he does and just a genuinely sweet guy who no doubt has a love for what he does and for his patients!  The nicu staff at benefis.  Even though we didn't need them (cross your fingers that we don't) it was comforting to know they were there!  Thank you to Shawnna for visiting!

And of course, there is Garrett.  He hardly left the hospital at all.  The few times he did, he waited until someone else was there and he'd only be gone for an hour or so.  Plus, he's got the incredible task to keep me in check on this whole bed rest thing while simultaneously trying to keep my spirits up.  That is no small task!  It's only day 4 of bed rest (at home) and I already had a "moment" today.  And if I make it to term, theres another 2.75 months left.  Poor Garrett..