A Healthy Dose of Perspective

We are quickly approaching our 4 year mark of TTC. Strangely enough, I don't feel nearly as sorry for myself as I thought I would. Taking this break has dealt me a huge serving of perspective. It's rather funny because not even a year ago, mention the word "baby" to me would make me feel utterly crushed. Or listening to or reading about a mom or pregnant person whine or complain made me angry. But not anymore. Well, to a certain extent, ya know.

My good blog buddy just wrote a blog about being on the "other" side after her struggle with infertility. It's so crazy about the timing of her post because I have been thinking about it for the last few months. And then she went and wrote about what I had been thinking.

No, I am not an infertility graduate yet, but I have been thinking good and hard about this. It's unfair for me to say that because someone is having a bad day and is venting about it that they don't appreciate what they have. Because someone has morning sickness 24 hours a day and doesn't like it does not mean they don't appreciate and love the life they are growing inside their tummies. I can imagine that would get old.

Instead, I can place my anger where it rightly belongs.

Example: I was getting a protein shake the other day and there was a mother in there that was reading the plea agreement offer (rather loudly I might add). She had 2 little ones with her and apparently her plea agreement offered community service and a fine or 5 years jail if she turned it down. She said, flat out, "they can send me to jail." That kind of selfishness is where I can really be mad. Put your damn pride away so your little ones don't have to go without a mother for 5 years.

I don't need to be getting angry over a complaint about swollen feet from someone who, despite the cankles, loves their baby when there are women who REALLY don't appreciate what they have. Everyone has bad days.

Maybe this attitude has come from watching so many of my infertile buddies graduate. Maybe this break has put things into perspective. Maybe being sick and not knowing what was wrong for 2.5 months made me realize I was just jealous of what they had. Maybe a little bit of everything.

But I also still understand how it feels to be in that place when TTC where everything makes you sad. The most random thing can make you feel like breaking down. When it feels like everyone doesn't appreciate what you so desperately want. So if you are in that place, please don't feel like I am passing judgement on you, either. I was there for 3 years. Everyone has to go through this infertility journey at their own pace. I'm strictly speaking on where I'm at and how thankful to be where I'm at.

I'm just glad someone can ask me "do you have any kids yet" and I don't feel like punching their teeth out. I can just answer honestly, "not yet, but we are seeking out fertility treatments." This sometimes makes people feel a little uncomfortable, but I find it easier to deal with if people just know. However, the phrase "just relax" will ALWAYS makes me feel like punching teeth. lol.