Therapy

I got the number for a therapist.  I just need to call and make an appointment.  Apparently she has gone through IVF for her children.  Although I don't know her circumstances, I feel like she could genuinely empathize and maybe give me some coping techniques.  Because mine are no longer working.  I have been in a funk for over a week now.  Like that kind where I go throughout my day and I'm not mentally entirely in my body.  It's like any emotion that would be there is forced out through memory.  Like "Oh this is the appropriate response to this situation."  And I'm pretty sure that a really bad sign.  So I think I should talk to a professional at this point.

I'm hoping by next Tuesday, I will have a plan laid out.  I left a very long-winded message for my fertility specialists nurse to let her know that I am very close to being done with treatments.  I am a finish line person.  If there is an end in sight...no matter how far away or how many obstacles I see ahead of me, I will make it.  And right now, I don't have a "finish line."  For me, that finish line is IVF.  I feel like I will be ready to move on to adoption (after grieving) after I do IVF.  But that needs to happen soon.  Like maybe some time next year.  So in my message, I told my specialist that I am willing to do IUI's while we are waiting for an IVF cycle, but I need to have a timeline of when that is going to happen. 

I randomly will walk into the bedroom we will be turning into baby's room, and I'll picture how it will be with all baby's things.  And then I sob.  I'm wearing down and my heart has taken a beating...and I'm just ready to be done.  I'm so sick of this.  I don't even remember how to dream outside of having a family anymore.  The thought of having a monotonous job that doesn't require me to have any passion about it sounds fabulous.  And that makes me sad.  I feel like I am losing myself.  So I'm kind of excited to see if talking to a therapist will help at all.